Wednesday, 24 April 2013

New Poem: "Free Hugs (Terms and Conditions Apply)"

24 out 30 NaPoWriMo poems done but today's was not just an exercise.

This poem is for one particular friend for whom life over the last 12 months has been a long domino topple series of distressing, painful, unfair tragic loses. I want them to know someone cares and to make them smile and hopefully look to a time when tears will not be the norm.

If you have friends that could do with a lift or to let them know you care, I hope this poem will help do just that. Feel free to share.

Love, Mark x

Free Hugs (Terms and conditions apply)
A poem with bullet points and foot notes and how often does that happen?
I promise to pay the bearer
of this poem on demand,
a meaningful hug suitable for most purposes,
wherever* and whenever** needed.
You should bear in mind, pun intended!
that these are not ordinary,
everyday, run-of-the-mill hugs.
I am the King*** of Hugs.
Hugs on offer include, but are not limited to:
·        The “I’m tired and really should be in bed” hug.
·        The public hug for purposes of validation.
·        The “Life is crap but you will get through it” hug.
·        The boisterous hug of celebration. May include lifting and swinging!
·        The “I’m sorry for your loss” hug.
·        The quick and quiet “I need this but I can’t appear weak” hug.
·        The “Why are you so cross?” hug.
·        The slow and tight “Love is on its way no matter how things seem bleak” hug.
·        The private hug for when you need to shed a tear.
·        The “I can be your place to hide” hug.
·        The “Walking into your place of work and talking with nothing but our eyes holding each other for an entire minute in full view of everyone to show your co-workers you have no fear” hug.
·        And many more reasons besides hug.
Terms and Conditions

1.      The hug must be collected in person by the hugee for their own personal use. No subterfuge such as “I’m only collecting it for a friend” allowed. The first step to your future is admitting you need a hug.

2.      Hugs must be for legitimate and legal reasons. For example, I won’t hug you to make your husband or boyfriend jealous, or as a diversion so your partner can rob a bank.

3.      Hugs will be freely offered at all gigs in the future but can also be delivered by appointment.

4.      Hugs cannot be sexual!

5.      Okay, they can be slightly sexual. (At my age, slightly sexual is the best you’re gonna get).

6.      Hugs must be passed on to at least three people within the next calendar month. By my calculation if I hug one person a day and that person then hugs three other people, by 2019 the world will be a better place. Except for Swindon.

* “Wherever” Whilst I’m happy to give my hug time for free as an act of pure altruism, if I have to travel, reasonable expenses should be paid.
** “Whenever” Don’t wake me up or approach me in restrooms please. That’s just creepy.
*** I am not an actual King, but hopefully, hugs will make you feel like royalty.


  1. This is perfect. I love it - and a poem with footnotes and bullet points. Thanks for this.

    1. Thanks Coreena. Nice to know I've hit the spot.

      Best wishes

      Mark x

  2. So I ACTUALLY laughed out loud (startling my parrot who exclaimed "oooh!")

    Very good. You are so annoyingly clever. :)


    1. "Annoyingly clever" and "parrot-startler" are both going on my CV.

      {{hug back}}

    2. I exist purely to provide sobriquets and epithets. ;)

  3. I like this very much. *hug*