No More Mr Nice Guy Poem

No More Mister Nice Guy

“The nice guys are all over there, in seventh place.” Leo Durocher
This is the original quote that when contracted became “Nice guys finish last”.
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a sod
I’m going to shout “knickers”
At Bishops and Vicars
Then argue about the existence of God
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a cad
I’ll learn all your regrets
Embarrassments and secrets
Then spill them to your Mum and Dad
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a rotter
When friends, racked with worry
Ask for a very mild curry
I’ll make it at least twenty degrees hotter
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a rogue
I’ll seduce daughter and mother
Not tell one about the other
But kiss and tell for a fortune in Vogue
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a swine
I’m going to eat Brussels Sprouts.
And when farts pop out
Swear blind they’re yours and not mine

From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a heel
I’ll house sit when you’re away
Sell all your stuff on ebay
And not give a stuff how you feel
 
From now on I’m going to be a bastard
From now on I’m going to be a hound
I’ll let others pay
As I drink scotch all day
Then hide in the loos when it’s my round
 
But I’m not really cut out to be a bastard
Being a bastard just isn’t me.  
Sometimes I dream of scenes
Being magnificent and mean
That’s the last time I watch reality TV!